See here’s where you just don’t get ‘me’ Facebook


This dude is just wrong

This dude is just wrong!!!

Yes I know – you know I’m forty. Yes I know – your advertiser knows I’m probably looking after myself a little better now than I used to. But WOW Mark Zuckerberg how wrong can you get me!?

This guy is sooo scary. Loitering outside what appears to be a toilet door (is it even his house?) with a look on his face that only expensive counselling is going to remove. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!

On the up side.

As I work in Marketing Facebook has, I guess, actually provided me with the anti-template for my advertisements for the rest of my professional career. Scenario below:

Me: Does what we are about to release resemble in any way THIS? (the Facebook Sponsored Story above)

Marketing Co-ord: Hmm maybe slightly in this way.


Some more high class stuff!

What assets is this advertising?

Are you assets balanced?


Do I have a point or is this a storm in a D cup?

solar panels1Oh pah-lease give men more credit (Thought bubble – big boobs) than that!

Like I’m going to buy more than the three DIY-solar-panel-kits I have already purchased for no reason whatsoever in Australia’s cloudiest capital city. Pathetic! Do you hear.

I take it as an affront (& that’s quite a front) to my intelligence. Do they think sex sells or something – what nonsense!

Caveman advertising.

The example below is my favorite. Oh and hang on haven’t we met before – same girl, different ad?!

I am a fan of erudite prose, pithy nuance & the irony-laced lyrics of Cohen so clearly then I was swept up by the below.

You man? You live Victoria? (Editors note. Well they know I do as it would be geo-targeted by Facebook) You like boobies? Yeah you like boobies. You sign you get samples (Not of boobies)

men vic

…and they get database!! They sell database. You sign, you da boobie!

Sorry for venting but I had to get that off my chest!

Is this a one way airfare?

Oh First Class makes this much more appealing…

Working in marketing in the travel sector I am oft to notice other travel advertisements. I’m always thinking how are our prices looking, could our images be better or are we missing the ‘next’ big destination?

This online ad from Emirates Airlines did catch my eye recently but for slightly different reasons. Book in your leave, buy the guidebook & pack your dreams you’re heading to…

Kabul, Afghanistan!

Kabul you say. Hmmm…doesn’t actually state whether these are return airfares, I guess the terms and conditions are on the website. Well I suppose First Class is the only way to travel to a desolate war-ravaged country.

Looking forward to next weeks hot deal…

Hurry set sail with this hot offer Two for one on Somalian Sunset Cruises. Don’t wait! No we’re serious, we can’t the navy’s coming!

The fun loving, sassy crew of SSC

Hmm…now this QR code is really taking the piss

A QR in the dunny, that's a waste of money!

Hmmm…we as marketers are constantly trying to innovate. Finding new ways – and locations – to engage our audience.

However is this going too far? The Melbourne airport urinals. Long have the ‘Gents’ & ‘Ladies’ bathrooms been an advertising bastion based on the perception of a captured audience.

However a QR at the gents trough, I believe, is an epic marketing fail on two fronts.

  1. Splash oops there goes the iphone. Without any gauche detail it won’t have been held with two hands
  2. Worse. No boys I’m just scanning this code, honestly. Um no, I’m not filming!!!

As you may know from this blog I’m a massive fan of the QR code. That said the Quick Response you might get at busy urinals from your neighbour when de pocketing your phone replete with camera may not be quite as expected!

NB No I didn’t have company when taking the pic for this post. Ha ha

Outdoor media – it can be boom or bust!

Really? There's 3 billboards here you say...

Unquestionably outdoor media is becoming more & more popular in the Australian marketplace. It offers very attractive pricing when compared with traditional offline newspaper advertising (abhorrently expensive by the way) and certainly comes in well under TV.

Another appeal – if you get the right site (all important that) – is the stickability of your ad. You can’t change the channel, use TIVO to skim through ads or flick the page of your morning newspaper. A great Outdoor site has very high impact (wanker term = cut through) and there are normally a very limited amount of these prime locations in a city. Here’s one in Melbourne, Australia…

'High' profile literally

So three marketing managers have spent tens-of-thousands of their marketing budget dollars to achieve some power presence at one of Melbourne’s best Outdoor sites. A massive intersection with enormous reach. In short a top dollar site.

Unfortunately sometimes the best laid plans by some of the best marketing minds can come undone and go…err well, tits up. If they made a card game called Marketing 500 then – CK trumps, um whoever the other brands are & glamorously photographed cleavage trumps bottles. Well most things really.

Lights have changed see ya

Can you be a well guarded secret & advertise? Hmmm…


Shhh...don't tell anyone. Um actually maybe like tell loads of people?!

So Noosa is certainly a well-to-do holiday hamlet about 2 hours north of Australia’s 3rd largest city Brisbane. Exclusive might not be too much of a stretch but it is slightly too mass market for that to be entirely accurate. That background is necessary because in a place like Noosa boutique sells.

All well & good but is it just me that has a little problem with the Belmondo’s advertisement?

Firstly it’s placed in a cheesy tourist map. Think a free London map with the nearest Hard Rock cafe or TGI Fridays marked. Gourmet & chessy doesn’t sound that palatable? Next is the cachet of such a venerated local institution, spoken of only in whispers, somewhat contradicted by, um you know – advertising.

Lastly & possibly leastly why are they actually advertising at all if they are a Noosa incrowd icon. Just a nod, a Belmondos market bag & a knowing smirk ought be enough surely?

Anyway could you tell that it rained alot while I was there? Mind wanders when…

Noosa Main beach. Just between us OK 😉

The laziest marketing ever?

So lame!

I just overheard a radio advert and started cringing. It was for a businesses 1st birthday and went something along the lines of…

It’s XXXXX’s 1st birthday but we’re giving away the presents…

The reason I cringed is that I know on more than one occasion across the years I’ve written that very same line & thought to myself. Gee that’s a bit clever, I like that…

OMG the shame, the horror of that phrase! I have to say though I do actually find it cathartic to own up. Is that line not one of the single most over-used marketing clichés ever!?

Anyway I’ve had my rant…& I promise (maybe ‘I’ll try’ is sadly more realistic) never to use it again!