See here’s where you just don’t get ‘me’ Facebook

Eewwww…

This dude is just wrong

This dude is just wrong!!!

Yes I know – you know I’m forty. Yes I know – your advertiser knows I’m probably looking after myself a little better now than I used to. But WOW Mark Zuckerberg how wrong can you get me!?

This guy is sooo scary. Loitering outside what appears to be a toilet door (is it even his house?) with a look on his face that only expensive counselling is going to remove. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!

On the up side.

As I work in Marketing Facebook has, I guess, actually provided me with the anti-template for my advertisements for the rest of my professional career. Scenario below:

Me: Does what we are about to release resemble in any way THIS? (the Facebook Sponsored Story above)

Marketing Co-ord: Hmm maybe slightly in this way.

Me: I see, OK. COMPLETELY RE-DO THE WHOLE AD.

Some more high class stuff!

What assets is this advertising?

Are you assets balanced?

Want to fly Samoa Air? The weight is over!

Samoa AIrfair

Hahaha. I don’t know why you’re laughing, you’re going to be paying double my ‘airfair’ mama!

“Talofa, the weight is over”

Yes, yes I know I’m so excited this will be my first trip to Samoa.

“No chubster. Not wait – WEIGHT!! – cough up the extra cash”

I’m sure I’m not breaking any news here by reporting Samoa Air has decided to charge their airfares – which they are pithily calling ‘Air-fairs’ – by a combination of the passengers body weight and that of their luggage. My favourite grab from their website calmly states…

“Booking a flight with us is as easy as inputting your approximate weight into our online booking engine (don’t worry, we will weigh you again at the airport)…”

 

‘Don’t worry?’ it’s the exact opposite! Last time I checked you go on holiday to a tropical island to relax & unwind. That includes indulging – spas, cuisine,cocktails et al… Not PT sessions & Special K to ensure you don’t go bankrupt at check-in.

Oh no. That damn mousse is gunna cost me!!

OH NO. That damn chocolate mousse is gunna cost me!!

The Sky’s the limit!

Well actually no, probably more like 140kgs is the new limit, but no need to change their tagline just yet.

However I mentioned at the start of this post that I’m not breaking any news with reporting this story but the below, the below my friends, is a very different story!!!

Could this be an unreleased Samoa Air Press Release? Too controversial to publish to market that has miraculously found its way across this editor’s desk. Sources can’t be revealed of course. Actually it’s more likely that if you are planning a trip to Samoa you might want to pay more attention to cutting out creamy sauces than worrying about mine!

The unearthed Press Release.

Genuine? Much like the shroud of Turin I fear we’ll never know.^

Samoa AIr Press Release

^ OK, ok I wrote it. But I didn’t do the cloth, you know, the shroud thingie.

Do I have a point or is this a storm in a D cup?

solar panels1Oh pah-lease give men more credit (Thought bubble – big boobs) than that!

Like I’m going to buy more than the three DIY-solar-panel-kits I have already purchased for no reason whatsoever in Australia’s cloudiest capital city. Pathetic! Do you hear.

I take it as an affront (& that’s quite a front) to my intelligence. Do they think sex sells or something – what nonsense!

Caveman advertising.

The example below is my favorite. Oh and hang on haven’t we met before – same girl, different ad?!

I am a fan of erudite prose, pithy nuance & the irony-laced lyrics of Cohen so clearly then I was swept up by the below.

You man? You live Victoria? (Editors note. Well they know I do as it would be geo-targeted by Facebook) You like boobies? Yeah you like boobies. You sign you get samples (Not of boobies)

men vic

…and they get database!! They sell database. You sign, you da boobie!

Sorry for venting but I had to get that off my chest!

Is this a one way airfare?

Oh First Class makes this much more appealing…

Working in marketing in the travel sector I am oft to notice other travel advertisements. I’m always thinking how are our prices looking, could our images be better or are we missing the ‘next’ big destination?

This online ad from Emirates Airlines did catch my eye recently but for slightly different reasons. Book in your leave, buy the guidebook & pack your dreams you’re heading to…

Kabul, Afghanistan!

Kabul you say. Hmmm…doesn’t actually state whether these are return airfares, I guess the terms and conditions are on the website. Well I suppose First Class is the only way to travel to a desolate war-ravaged country.

Looking forward to next weeks hot deal…

Hurry set sail with this hot offer Two for one on Somalian Sunset Cruises. Don’t wait! No we’re serious, we can’t the navy’s coming!

The fun loving, sassy crew of SSC

Careful what you wish for

Quick – buy some clothes you’ll never wear out!?

Shout it from the rooftops!

Hard Yakka now make jeans. Er… Jeans you won’t wear out!?

Oh hang on. No we mean they’re super tough. You get it right? Not you wouldn’t be caught dead in our jeans. Oh oh, sh#t this soooo worked in the agency. You guys get it don’t you, please, please get it….

Lost in translation.

Hard Yakka garments are so tough they make the Marlboro Man look like Betty White but I almost slipped the old Toyota off the freeway when I saw their ‘won’t wear out’ tagline on a super expensive billboard this week.

Luckily I do suspect though that only marketing types & smartarses (I fit both categories I think) will take this the wrong way – ooh as the nun said to the baseball team. It seems like a super expensive campaign so I hope I’m in the minority. You know what a minority is right, like um, oh the percentage of jeans-wearers that would actually wear Hard Yakka for example.

‘As seen on TV’ Has common sense flown the coop?

Image

Skinless chicken. Certainly one of the more talented reality TV show contestants I have seen lately

‘As seen on TV’. Are they serious? Chicken! A breast of chicken…

Extreme pun zone – Enter at own risk.

Since when did dead lifeless flesh become famous?  Opps hang on I forgot Kyle Sandilands. Him aside I really think that a container of chicken breast is a really poultry excuse for a celebrity. Can you picture this.

Phones BFF – “OMG, OMG. Oh My Gaawd, I’m just down at the supermarket and you’ll never guess who I’ve just seen from the TV…”

That said very happy that the chicken breast has been plucked from anonymity & given an appearance on My Kitchen Rules. One to add to the show-reel certainly. You may have already scene chicken breast in such shows as The Bill (I know that should really be The Beak, yes, yes), West Wing & who will ever forget the triumph that was Bok to the Future.

My Kitchen Rules certainly does rule the roost in it’s timeslot but having had the accidental  misfortune of catching about five minutes of it once I would actually much rather just watch an assortment of brainless & barely covered breasts. Oh hang on that’s Jersey Shore right?

Hmm…now this QR code is really taking the piss

A QR in the dunny, that's a waste of money!

Hmmm…we as marketers are constantly trying to innovate. Finding new ways – and locations – to engage our audience.

However is this going too far? The Melbourne airport urinals. Long have the ‘Gents’ & ‘Ladies’ bathrooms been an advertising bastion based on the perception of a captured audience.

However a QR at the gents trough, I believe, is an epic marketing fail on two fronts.

  1. Splash oops there goes the iphone. Without any gauche detail it won’t have been held with two hands
  2. Worse. No boys I’m just scanning this code, honestly. Um no, I’m not filming!!!

As you may know from this blog I’m a massive fan of the QR code. That said the Quick Response you might get at busy urinals from your neighbour when de pocketing your phone replete with camera may not be quite as expected!

NB No I didn’t have company when taking the pic for this post. Ha ha