See here’s where you just don’t get ‘me’ Facebook


This dude is just wrong

This dude is just wrong!!!

Yes I know – you know I’m forty. Yes I know – your advertiser knows I’m probably looking after myself a little better now than I used to. But WOW Mark Zuckerberg how wrong can you get me!?

This guy is sooo scary. Loitering outside what appears to be a toilet door (is it even his house?) with a look on his face that only expensive counselling is going to remove. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!

On the up side.

As I work in Marketing Facebook has, I guess, actually provided me with the anti-template for my advertisements for the rest of my professional career. Scenario below:

Me: Does what we are about to release resemble in any way THIS? (the Facebook Sponsored Story above)

Marketing Co-ord: Hmm maybe slightly in this way.


Some more high class stuff!

What assets is this advertising?

Are you assets balanced?


This is going to sound Darth’t

My son is OBSESSED with Star Wars & he’s never seen it!

How can this have occured you may correctly ponder?

Sodding Angry Birds Star Wars my friends.

angry-birds-star-warsMy son was obsessed with Angry Birds – the app, the cartoons, the toys, the everything!! then slowly but surely I noticed the favoured Pirate^ cutlass being more oft used as a makeshift Lightsaber. Then came phase two where-by Angry Bird time itself was being replaced with lightsaber sessions and recitals of…

  “Luke I’m your father”

The real epiphany moment for dad (me) of how far this had come was when we were sitting nonchalantly on the couch together and son turned and quipped…

“Dad you know that Anakin Skywalker is actually Darth Vadar AND he’s Luke Skywalker’s father”

Um well yes I did know that but how the h&ll did this three-year-old? He had never even seen the movie!

Now I’m a customs to it

My family and I recently returned from a much overdue holiday – it was a week in beautiful Fiji. beach-fiji

As we got to the front of the queue at Customs at Melbourne airport the surprisingly chipper official pro-offered to son…

“What’s your name young fellow?”

In response my son fixed a steely stare upon said gentleman, paused for best effect and then uttered with a verbal-swagger only a Jedi could muster

“Luke Skywalker”

^ Pirates were the obsession before the next obsession preceding the current obsession.

Want to fly Samoa Air? The weight is over!

Samoa AIrfair

Hahaha. I don’t know why you’re laughing, you’re going to be paying double my ‘airfair’ mama!

“Talofa, the weight is over”

Yes, yes I know I’m so excited this will be my first trip to Samoa.

“No chubster. Not wait – WEIGHT!! – cough up the extra cash”

I’m sure I’m not breaking any news here by reporting Samoa Air has decided to charge their airfares – which they are pithily calling ‘Air-fairs’ – by a combination of the passengers body weight and that of their luggage. My favourite grab from their website calmly states…

“Booking a flight with us is as easy as inputting your approximate weight into our online booking engine (don’t worry, we will weigh you again at the airport)…”


‘Don’t worry?’ it’s the exact opposite! Last time I checked you go on holiday to a tropical island to relax & unwind. That includes indulging – spas, cuisine,cocktails et al… Not PT sessions & Special K to ensure you don’t go bankrupt at check-in.

Oh no. That damn mousse is gunna cost me!!

OH NO. That damn chocolate mousse is gunna cost me!!

The Sky’s the limit!

Well actually no, probably more like 140kgs is the new limit, but no need to change their tagline just yet.

However I mentioned at the start of this post that I’m not breaking any news with reporting this story but the below, the below my friends, is a very different story!!!

Could this be an unreleased Samoa Air Press Release? Too controversial to publish to market that has miraculously found its way across this editor’s desk. Sources can’t be revealed of course. Actually it’s more likely that if you are planning a trip to Samoa you might want to pay more attention to cutting out creamy sauces than worrying about mine!

The unearthed Press Release.

Genuine? Much like the shroud of Turin I fear we’ll never know.^

Samoa AIr Press Release

^ OK, ok I wrote it. But I didn’t do the cloth, you know, the shroud thingie.

Suitable for last minute pre purchasers


OK just a quick observation. Here’s, by definition and title, a ‘last minute’ accommodation website strongly pushing bookings, um, well in advance? Hmmm…

Book in advance & SAVE heaps!

Me thinks two websites may be in order here or possibly some counselling for website schizophrenia. Maybe going on a holiday would help, or perhaps not – would they book it early or hold out for a late deal??

Careful what you wish for

Quick – buy some clothes you’ll never wear out!?

Shout it from the rooftops!

Hard Yakka now make jeans. Er… Jeans you won’t wear out!?

Oh hang on. No we mean they’re super tough. You get it right? Not you wouldn’t be caught dead in our jeans. Oh oh, sh#t this soooo worked in the agency. You guys get it don’t you, please, please get it….

Lost in translation.

Hard Yakka garments are so tough they make the Marlboro Man look like Betty White but I almost slipped the old Toyota off the freeway when I saw their ‘won’t wear out’ tagline on a super expensive billboard this week.

Luckily I do suspect though that only marketing types & smartarses (I fit both categories I think) will take this the wrong way – ooh as the nun said to the baseball team. It seems like a super expensive campaign so I hope I’m in the minority. You know what a minority is right, like um, oh the percentage of jeans-wearers that would actually wear Hard Yakka for example.

Simply e-mazing.

Conventional wisdom thought it impossible, yet somehow, somehow dear friends it has happened. Tea Towels just got even cooler & more useful. Infact four times cooler & extra functional. The Gods of Funk have smiled upon us & I expect to see Gotye in the social pages with his e-towel before too long!


4 x more BS!

Ev ‘e’ lution.
In the centuries ahead one can presume that the schoolrooms of the future (can’t even fathom what they might look like) will mark the milestones across the millennia a little something like this…

Fire – Wheel – Printing Press – Industrial Revolution – Automobile – Internet – e-towel – ?

I really feel that this product is a watershed. In fact 4 x the amount of water shed! A steal at only AUD $16


Just can’t get e-nough products from e-cloth

The importance of correct granma

When your Twitter #tag is #insideLaura you're in trouble

Hmm….not that much to say about this other than woopsy daisy! Funny woopsy daisy for sure, err maybe except for girls called Laura and white knuckled Direct-Marketing Managers perhaps.

So this is on a personalised piece of Direct Marketing that my company – um let’s call us Travel R Us – send out in snail mail. The conversion of these highly propensity-profiled print pieces (try saying that three times) is normally very good. Actually I should really find out the response rate to this piece and drill down further (no pun intended, OK maybe a little bit intended) Find out just which segment has responded most readily to this rather invitational piece. Mmm on second thoughts maybe not.

Mistakes happen – write!?

Mistakes happen in this world of course – just look at Excess Baggage by Channel 9 or you know Snooki for example – & gosh dang it I’m sure Laura’s comma was appropriately placed in the mock-up stage. So perhaps some comparison may offer to serve as some semblance of defence.

Let us note in the damning image below that even the titan of travel writing, that guru of Guidebooks – Lonely Planet – have had their own typographic faux pas. Behold a handy reference for your next trip to Westen Europe. Should you ever, that is, actually find a place called Westen Europe!? Me thinks the careers of the product manager &/or copywriter on this particular edition – in keeping with the tone of deserts, dust & cowboys  – may have ended up cactus!

Bang Bang, it's a Lonely Planet 'Westen'