See here’s where you just don’t get ‘me’ Facebook

Eewwww…

This dude is just wrong

This dude is just wrong!!!

Yes I know – you know I’m forty. Yes I know – your advertiser knows I’m probably looking after myself a little better now than I used to. But WOW Mark Zuckerberg how wrong can you get me!?

This guy is sooo scary. Loitering outside what appears to be a toilet door (is it even his house?) with a look on his face that only expensive counselling is going to remove. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!

On the up side.

As I work in Marketing Facebook has, I guess, actually provided me with the anti-template for my advertisements for the rest of my professional career. Scenario below:

Me: Does what we are about to release resemble in any way THIS? (the Facebook Sponsored Story above)

Marketing Co-ord: Hmm maybe slightly in this way.

Me: I see, OK. COMPLETELY RE-DO THE WHOLE AD.

Some more high class stuff!

What assets is this advertising?

Are you assets balanced?

Advertisements

Drum roll pah-lease. And the Award Winner is…

Actually that should more accurately say the Award Winner was

ah the good old days...

ah the good old days…

This is a Japanese restaurant that is located directly across the road from my office and inasmuch gets quite a few lunchtime visits.

Now working in Marketing I have often pondered whether or not, if this was my business, I would keep the award-winning board of glory in place in 2013. One will note that no awards have been received since 2009 and instead winning years have been replaced with just hopeful ‘…s’ hinting at possible future glories?!

Probably the one award I might most think about removing is the ‘Safe Food’ one.

Look dear customer at how safe our food was, um until 2009…

What do you think. Would you keep them?

Want to fly Samoa Air? The weight is over!

Samoa AIrfair

Hahaha. I don’t know why you’re laughing, you’re going to be paying double my ‘airfair’ mama!

“Talofa, the weight is over”

Yes, yes I know I’m so excited this will be my first trip to Samoa.

“No chubster. Not wait – WEIGHT!! – cough up the extra cash”

I’m sure I’m not breaking any news here by reporting Samoa Air has decided to charge their airfares – which they are pithily calling ‘Air-fairs’ – by a combination of the passengers body weight and that of their luggage. My favourite grab from their website calmly states…

“Booking a flight with us is as easy as inputting your approximate weight into our online booking engine (don’t worry, we will weigh you again at the airport)…”

 

‘Don’t worry?’ it’s the exact opposite! Last time I checked you go on holiday to a tropical island to relax & unwind. That includes indulging – spas, cuisine,cocktails et al… Not PT sessions & Special K to ensure you don’t go bankrupt at check-in.

Oh no. That damn mousse is gunna cost me!!

OH NO. That damn chocolate mousse is gunna cost me!!

The Sky’s the limit!

Well actually no, probably more like 140kgs is the new limit, but no need to change their tagline just yet.

However I mentioned at the start of this post that I’m not breaking any news with reporting this story but the below, the below my friends, is a very different story!!!

Could this be an unreleased Samoa Air Press Release? Too controversial to publish to market that has miraculously found its way across this editor’s desk. Sources can’t be revealed of course. Actually it’s more likely that if you are planning a trip to Samoa you might want to pay more attention to cutting out creamy sauces than worrying about mine!

The unearthed Press Release.

Genuine? Much like the shroud of Turin I fear we’ll never know.^

Samoa AIr Press Release

^ OK, ok I wrote it. But I didn’t do the cloth, you know, the shroud thingie.

Do I have a point or is this a storm in a D cup?

solar panels1Oh pah-lease give men more credit (Thought bubble – big boobs) than that!

Like I’m going to buy more than the three DIY-solar-panel-kits I have already purchased for no reason whatsoever in Australia’s cloudiest capital city. Pathetic! Do you hear.

I take it as an affront (& that’s quite a front) to my intelligence. Do they think sex sells or something – what nonsense!

Caveman advertising.

The example below is my favorite. Oh and hang on haven’t we met before – same girl, different ad?!

I am a fan of erudite prose, pithy nuance & the irony-laced lyrics of Cohen so clearly then I was swept up by the below.

You man? You live Victoria? (Editors note. Well they know I do as it would be geo-targeted by Facebook) You like boobies? Yeah you like boobies. You sign you get samples (Not of boobies)

men vic

…and they get database!! They sell database. You sign, you da boobie!

Sorry for venting but I had to get that off my chest!

Suitable for last minute pre purchasers

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OK just a quick observation. Here’s, by definition and title, a ‘last minute’ accommodation website strongly pushing bookings, um, well in advance? Hmmm…

Book in advance & SAVE heaps!

Me thinks two websites may be in order here or possibly some counselling for website schizophrenia. Maybe going on a holiday would help, or perhaps not – would they book it early or hold out for a late deal??

Careful what you wish for

Quick – buy some clothes you’ll never wear out!?

Shout it from the rooftops!

Hard Yakka now make jeans. Er… Jeans you won’t wear out!?

Oh hang on. No we mean they’re super tough. You get it right? Not you wouldn’t be caught dead in our jeans. Oh oh, sh#t this soooo worked in the agency. You guys get it don’t you, please, please get it….

Lost in translation.

Hard Yakka garments are so tough they make the Marlboro Man look like Betty White but I almost slipped the old Toyota off the freeway when I saw their ‘won’t wear out’ tagline on a super expensive billboard this week.

Luckily I do suspect though that only marketing types & smartarses (I fit both categories I think) will take this the wrong way – ooh as the nun said to the baseball team. It seems like a super expensive campaign so I hope I’m in the minority. You know what a minority is right, like um, oh the percentage of jeans-wearers that would actually wear Hard Yakka for example.

Simply e-mazing.

Conventional wisdom thought it impossible, yet somehow, somehow dear friends it has happened. Tea Towels just got even cooler & more useful. Infact four times cooler & extra functional. The Gods of Funk have smiled upon us & I expect to see Gotye in the social pages with his e-towel before too long!

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4 x more BS!

Ev ‘e’ lution.
In the centuries ahead one can presume that the schoolrooms of the future (can’t even fathom what they might look like) will mark the milestones across the millennia a little something like this…

Fire – Wheel – Printing Press – Industrial Revolution – Automobile – Internet – e-towel – ?

I really feel that this product is a watershed. In fact 4 x the amount of water shed! A steal at only AUD $16

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Just can’t get e-nough products from e-cloth