See here’s where you just don’t get ‘me’ Facebook

Eewwww…

This dude is just wrong

This dude is just wrong!!!

Yes I know – you know I’m forty. Yes I know – your advertiser knows I’m probably looking after myself a little better now than I used to. But WOW Mark Zuckerberg how wrong can you get me!?

This guy is sooo scary. Loitering outside what appears to be a toilet door (is it even his house?) with a look on his face that only expensive counselling is going to remove. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!

On the up side.

As I work in Marketing Facebook has, I guess, actually provided me with the anti-template for my advertisements for the rest of my professional career. Scenario below:

Me: Does what we are about to release resemble in any way THIS? (the Facebook Sponsored Story above)

Marketing Co-ord: Hmm maybe slightly in this way.

Me: I see, OK. COMPLETELY RE-DO THE WHOLE AD.

Some more high class stuff!

What assets is this advertising?

Are you assets balanced?

My first Meme.

Larry Page Sergei Brin Google+

Sadly there’s no more fuss about Google +

Hello, Hellllooooooo, HELLOOOOOOOO. Anyone?

No sorry not being rude I’m just on Google+ on another tab.

Veni, Vedi, Google +

I came, I saw, I waited, I tried, I came back, I left

This is an oft told tale from those I know with a G+ profile. Now I know that it’s likely that someone, maybe many will be upset by my opinion. However may one be further irreverent and predict that it’s likely they are from one of the professions I list below:

  • IT
  • eCommerce/ Web
  • Marketing

By the way I love the concepts behind G+. In particular the circles. Many’s the time that I have thought ‘nope my mum will see this’ before posting (or not!) on Facebook.

Anyway they say you remember your first. It’s true, this has been truly memerable.

Do I have a point or is this a storm in a D cup?

solar panels1Oh pah-lease give men more credit (Thought bubble – big boobs) than that!

Like I’m going to buy more than the three DIY-solar-panel-kits I have already purchased for no reason whatsoever in Australia’s cloudiest capital city. Pathetic! Do you hear.

I take it as an affront (& that’s quite a front) to my intelligence. Do they think sex sells or something – what nonsense!

Caveman advertising.

The example below is my favorite. Oh and hang on haven’t we met before – same girl, different ad?!

I am a fan of erudite prose, pithy nuance & the irony-laced lyrics of Cohen so clearly then I was swept up by the below.

You man? You live Victoria? (Editors note. Well they know I do as it would be geo-targeted by Facebook) You like boobies? Yeah you like boobies. You sign you get samples (Not of boobies)

men vic

…and they get database!! They sell database. You sign, you da boobie!

Sorry for venting but I had to get that off my chest!

Shhhh….wanna know a secret?

This is just between you and me OK. Oh & all of Facebook

Hooroo* to your treasured secret spot.                                                                 

Australian new online travel player Hooroo (a white label of Qantas) wants you to share your best secret hidden hideway. Quick you could win a prize. Pronto!!

“We’re on a mission to find Australia’s best secret spots.”

Hurry up you know you’ve got one. You know that amazing place that you retreat to for recharging, winding down, eating fish & chips on the beach & gazing wistfully (& restfully) out at dusk towards a deep blood-orange sunset. That place, that spot with hardly anyone. The one where if you’re super lucky and hide your shadows you can gaze upon schools of fish darting along a pristine coastal inlet and in between moss-covered boulders. That’s the one – where you’ve taken your family for the last five years and often had all to yourselves.

YES! Share THAT treasured secret spot with ALL of us!!

#share #tell #unveil #reveal #unearth #UNLIKELY                                                         

I get it. Social Media is about content, comment, interaction, sharing & engagement. Actually I really like Hooroo.com. It does inspiration & aspiration very well. However this is a #fail for mine. Secrets should be kept. They are more beguiling that way like, for example, the consultancy pictured below that I recently passed in Zurich, Switzerland & whose sign I couldn’t help but take a quick snap of. Hmmm what goes on in there? I’m quite happy for that to stay a secret!

Please stop licking the doormat. The doctor will see you now

* Definition of Hooroo = Aussie slang for goodbye (mate)

Have you ever wondered what a kebab, a dungeon & a foreskin have in common?

No it’s not an episode of Bold & the Beautiful or Home & Away –  what links the three is Facebook. Read on…

Image

So I fly a lot with work. I tend to get out to the airport early and do some work in the lounge so I’m not in a rush. Recently I flew to New Zealand and went on Facebook to check-in to let my mum, who lives in NZ, know that I was on my way. But what an array of options befell me in the Melbourne Airport area & I just had to share these three!

Would you like to check in at…

Melbourne Circumcision Clinic – Um OK, why not, log your circumcision centre for Facebook check-ins, sure. Even more interestingly I note they actually had 139 LIkes. Really, come on seriously, that’s soooo not true – 139 people like MCC?! So pumped I just got lighter, pesky foreskin ain’t no longer. Another possibility may be that visitors to the Melbourne Cricket Club have really intrigued their FB friends with an awkward check-in mix up. Although in fairness I guess both locations do involve helmets…too far? Yes too far

Image

I should clarify this relates to the Kebab piece below & not, well you know, the paragraph above

Mr Funny Kebab – Ah no thanks. That is unless of course you find botulism & hospital ERs humorous. No at 2am I prefer to buy my kebab or gyros from Mr dull yet extremely hygienic Kebab thank you.

Bec’s Dungeon – so I know three girls called Bec none of whom, pleasingly, live by the airport. Well I don’t think so. No Likes for Bec & her Dungeon although ironically maybe you just don’t ‘like’ a dungeon even if, you know, you actually really liked the dungeon?! First rule of Dungeon Club, don’t ‘like’ Dungeon Club.

Mind the gap

Hmm…OK so this business was drawn to my eye for all the wrong reasons on Facebook. Don’t get me wrong good on them for using social media to get their business out there, err whatever they do. Just think that maybe the graphic design budget could have been stretched (OK as you know I like a pun but am not game for any on this post) for a few more logo versions of Gashop.

But maybe not…

The doyens of PR say no publicity is bad publicity so maybe the reasonably awkward lettering gap is entirely intentional. After all I have blogged about it and you and that other guy in Winnipeg that visit have read it so…

Certainly grabs your um, ............... attention

Before Social Media there was tennis

Quiet please - some loudmouth would like to yell something inane

I was at the Australian Open tennis this week and took the pic above. Was a decent match filled with tension, skill & some guile. At the other end was Lleyton Hewitt

Sadly though there was no such subtlety or variation in the calls from the crowd. Have you been to a tennis tournament or Grand Slam? There are always some champions in the crowd more than willing to contribute – what to them – are simply hilarious comments in between points. Trouble is what, to the contributor, is fine china to others is closer to porcelain. Not the type found on tables shall we say. Often you may actually miss a point so slumped are you in your seat for fear of another cringeworthy banal comment. For example

Linesman – OUT. Crowd Comedian – You SURE!?

One of the players was German. Had to duck the champagne comedy cork when You can do it (in Arnie’s accent) was unleashed from the back rows.

However as the stand up (oops I mean) match continued what became very clear to me was that the court-jesters would press on in continued hope of reaction from the crowd to their boasts. A laugh akin to a triumph! Not in anyway in search of conversation but just validation & recognition of their broadcasts. Hmm…sound familiar? Are tennis deros the precursor to Social Media…discuss.

30 love... my comment EXCELLENT!

Not tennis but I love this! I’d say in this match – Heckler vs Stand Up – it’s 15 all.